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Some education jokes

July 23, 2012
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You might be able to fit these into your lessons or tutor time at some point!

Reception report: Your child is now getting straight As. The Bs and Cs are still wonky.

“Alright son, let’s see your report card.”
“You can’t. My friend’s borrowed it to scare his parents.”

“You boy! Give me two pronouns.”
“Who? Me?”

“Sarah, why do you keep swallowing the money your mum gives you?”
“She says it’s my lunch money.”

“Claire, how many seconds are there in a year?”
“12. The second of January, the second of February,…”

“Melody, if I give you two rabbits and then two more rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?”
“Five.”
“No, let’s try again. I give you two rabbits and then another two rabbits, how many rabbits will you have?”
“Five.”
“Ok. Let’s try this instead. I give you two oranges and another two oranges. How many oranges do you have?”
“Four oranges. Look Miss, I’ve already got a rabbit at home!”

“Charlotte, this letter from your mum excusing you from PE looks like it was written by you.”
“That’s because mum borrowed my pen to write it.”

“Just look at your report card! Your friend Martin doesn’t come home with Fs and Gs on his report card does he?”
“No but he’s different. His parents are clever.”

“OK Sam, if I asked you to add 4058 to 3202 and then divide the total by four, what would you get?”
“The wrong answer.”

“Andy, what is the chemical composition of water?”
“H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O”
“What on earth are you on about?”
“Yesterday you said water was H to O.”

“Who can tell me a way to keep milk from going off?”
“Keep it in the cow”

“Who invented fractions?”
“Henry the eighth”

“Why did King Arthur have a round table?”
“Because Sir Cumference designed it.”

A student was taking a philosophy exam and the paper had a single question: “What is courage?”
The student wrote ‘This,’ signed it and handed it in.

“I hope I didn’t see you looking at Kerry’s paper during the test.”
“I hope you didn’t too.”

When copying someone in a test, if they put “I don’t know,” you mustn’t put “Nor do I.”

“Did your mum help you with your homework last night?”
“No. She did it all.”

“Dad, can you help me with my homework?”
“I could, but it wouldn’t be right now would it?”
“Probably not, but you could at least try.”

Which was your favourite?

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